My Partner Hates My Weekly Poker Game. Is It Time to Fold the Relationship?

So, you’ve got a little hobby. Something that gets you out of the house once a week, lets you see some friends, and engage in a little friendly competition. For one guy, that hobby is a local $25 poker tournament. It lasts a few hours, the financial risk is capped at less than the cost of a nice dinner, and it’s his one night to decompress. Sounds pretty harmless, right? You’d think so. But for his long-distance girlfriend, this weekly game is apparently the first step on the road to ruin. She calls it 'degenerate behavior,' thinks his poker buddies are bad news, and is convinced he’s developing a gambling addiction. Her reaction? When he even mentions poker, she hangs up the phone. Oof.

Let’s just get this out of the way. A weekly $25 poker tournament is not 'degenerate behavior.' Honestly, it’s cheaper than almost any other social hobby you could pick up. Seriously, have you seen the price of a round of golf? Or what it costs to go bowling and have a couple of beers? We’re talking about an activity that costs about the same as going to the movies and getting a large popcorn. It’s a fixed cost for an evening’s entertainment. The idea that this is some kind of financial red flag is, frankly, absurd unless you’re completely broke.

It’s Not About the Money, Is It?

When someone has such a strong, almost allergic reaction to something so minor, you have to assume it’s not really about the thing itself. The $25 is a smoke screen. The real issue is almost always something deeper. The community of players who weighed in on this guy's situation saw it immediately.

The problem isn’t the poker; it’s the girlfriend’s reaction. Hanging up on your partner because you disagree with how they spend their Tuesday night is not how adults in a healthy relationship communicate. It’s a power play. It’s a childish attempt to punish and control.

Think about it. In a long-distance relationship, you barely get to see each other. Trust and communication are everything. If she can’t handle him having a life outside of their phone calls—a life that involves a completely reasonable and affordable hobby—what happens if they ever close the distance? This kind of behavior doesn’t just go away; it usually gets worse.

Reading the Tells: What’s Really Going On?

So what’s her real motivation? There are a few possibilities, ranging from charitable to downright concerning.

Past Trauma

Maybe, just maybe, she has some past trauma. Perhaps an ex-boyfriend or a family member had a real, destructive gambling addiction, and now she sees demons in every deck of cards. If that’s the case, she’s expressing her fear in a really unhealthy way, but it comes from a place of genuine concern. A calm, open conversation about her past might clear the air. You could show her your bankroll, be totally transparent about the wins and (small) losses, and help her understand that a tournament isn’t the same as sitting at a blackjack table for eight hours.

Long-Distance Frustration

Another possibility? She’s frustrated with the long-distance aspect of the relationship. It’s tough. She might feel lonely or disconnected, and your poker night is an easy, tangible thing to latch onto as the source of her unhappiness. It’s not fair, but it’s human. It represents a few hours where your attention is definitively not on her, and that stings.

Control

But the most likely scenario, and the one that many people immediately jumped to, is that this is about control. It’s not the poker she hates; it’s the fact that you’re doing something for yourself, with other people, that she has no say in. For some people, a partner having an independent interest feels like a threat. If you give in on this, what’s next? Your friends? Your other hobbies? This is how controlling relationships start. It’s a classic 'wedge the door open' tactic.

So, What’s the Play?

The overwhelming advice from fellow players was simple and brutal: Fold. Muck the hand. Get a new girlfriend. In poker terms, the relationship is 'minus EV'—a losing proposition in the long run. And honestly, they have a point. Life is too short to be with someone who tries to dictate your hobbies and hangs up on you like a teenager.

But before you just punt the relationship, you could try one last play. Have a direct conversation. Not about poker, but about communication.

'We need to be able to talk about things we disagree on without you hanging up on me. That’s not respectful, and it’s not going to work for me.'

Set that boundary, hard. If she can’t agree to that basic level of respect, then you have your answer. The game is rigged.

If she does agree, then you can talk about the poker. Explain your side. Compare it to her hobbies. Does she spend money on nails, hair, coffee, or clothes? Of course she does. Everyone has their 'thing.' A partner's job isn't to approve of your hobbies, but to support your happiness.

In the end, a weekly $25 poker game is a molehill. If your partner is turning it into a mountain, it says a lot more about them and the health of your relationship than it does about your character. A good partner is like a good poker hand—it adds value to your life. A bad one is just like the rake, slowly bleeding you dry until there’s nothing left.