Tom Cruise, Mike Postle, and the Glorious Absurdity of Poker Memes

You're scrolling through a poker forum and see a title that makes you blink: 'Tom Cruise is a really nice guy.' You click, and you're hit with a story so bizarre it has to be fake... or does it? A guy meets Cruise on the street, tells him he’s into 'porn and online poker,' and a year later, the movie star remembers his exact, questionable hobbies. This single, hilarious anecdote snowballed into a wild discussion involving Top Gun quotes, a strangely romantic fanfiction about Mike Postle, and even a serious debate about Scientology and poker tells. It's a perfect snapshot of the online poker world: a place where a simple joke can become a legend, and where the line between shitposting and genuine connection is wonderfully, beautifully blurred. It's a reminder that poker culture is so much more than just strategy; it's a shared language of absurdity.

That One Time Tom Cruise Cared About Your VPIP

You know those stories you stumble upon online that are just too good to be true? The ones that make you stop scrolling and actually read? Well, one of those gems popped up in a poker discussion recently. The setup is simple: a guy meets Tom Cruise, who graciously signs his skateboard. Cruise asks what he's into. The guy, without missing a beat, replies, "porn and playing online poker."

Classic. But that's not even the punchline.

A full year goes by. He skates past Cruise again, and the actor—the bona fide movie star—recognizes him. He calls him out by name and asks, genuinely:

“Man how's the jacking off and gambling going?”

It’s a story that is, frankly, perfect. It’s short, punchy, and utterly unbelievable in the best way possible. It has that kernel of weird plausibility—we all know Cruise has an intense, focused energy. Remembering some random skater's degenerate hobbies feels strangely on-brand for him. The post immediately blew up, not because anyone necessarily believed it, but because everyone wanted to.

And here’s the kicker: the original poster later admitted they snagged the story from social media and just swapped out "gaming" for "poker." Does that make it less funny? Absolutely not. It makes it even better. It’s a piece of internet folklore, a modern-day urban legend tailored specifically for our little corner of the world. It’s a community inside joke, even if we’re all just learning it for the first time.

From Top Gun to a Bizarre Mike Postle Romance

Of course, a story like that is just the opening volley. The real magic happens in the fallout. Immediately, the Top Gun references started flying. You had the classic "Because I was inverted" quote, and someone asking if they’d ever tried "jacking off goin' Mach Five with your hair on fire?" It’s the kind of low-hanging fruit you expect, the easy layups that get a conversation warmed up.

But then things took a hard left turn into beautiful, uncharted territory. Someone dropped a work of art—a sprawling, romantic copypasta about… Mike Postle.

Yes, that Mike Postle. The alleged poker cheat who rocked the community.

The fantasy is bizarrely detailed. It starts at the Stones Casino bar, moves to a balcony, and involves flirtatious banter, undone bowties, and cigarettes. The dialogue is pure gold, with our hero telling Postle:

"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

It’s a hilarious mashup of the Postle controversy and Anakin Skywalker's cringiest line from the Star Wars prequels. Why? Who knows. It doesn't matter.

This is what poker humor is all about. It’s how the community processes its villains and scandals. We don't just get angry; we get weird. We turn them into these absurd, larger-than-life characters in our shared fictional universe.

It’s a coping mechanism wrapped in layers of irony and niche references. You either get it, or you don’t. And if you get it, you know you’re among your people.

Wait, Are We Talking About Scientology Now?

Just when you think the discussion can’t possibly get any stranger, it does. All this talk about Tom Cruise inevitably led to one topic: Scientology. Someone joked that the original story almost had them reconsidering their skepticism of the organization.

Then, out of nowhere, the thread gets serious. For a second, anyway.

A user chimes in, completely straight-faced, explaining how they got off meds after reading some of L. Ron Hubbard’s books. They didn’t even join the church, but they said Hubbard’s work on microexpressions—the tiny, involuntary facial movements that betray emotions—had made them a lot of money in live poker. They claimed people find it difficult to hide disgust, and that understanding this has been a huge boost to their game.

Think about that journey for a moment. We started with a fake story about Tom Cruise remembering someone's online poker habit. That led to a romantic fantasy about Mike Postle. And that, somehow, led to a genuine piece of strategic advice about reading poker tells, sourced from the founder of Scientology. You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried.

It’s a perfect example of how inspiration can strike from anywhere. One person's shitpost is another person's breakthrough. It shows that even in the most frivolous corners of the internet, there can be these little sparks of insight and genuine connection. Someone else even chimed in to support them, saying you can find good ideas anywhere and shouldn't dismiss something just because you don't like the organization it came from.

So, What's the Punchline?

At the end of the day, a thread like this is more than just a collection of jokes. It's a cross-section of poker culture itself. It’s chaotic, hilarious, sometimes cringey, and occasionally, surprisingly insightful.

It shows that this community is bound by more than just a love for the game. We’re bound by a shared sense of humor, a language of memes, and an ability to find the absurdity in everything from A-list celebrities to our own fallen heroes. The fact that a story can be stolen, adapted, and celebrated tells you that authenticity isn't always about being true—it's about being relatable.

So next time you're deep in a forum and see a post that seems utterly pointless, maybe give it a second look. It might just be the start of the next great piece of poker lore. After all, in a world of bluffs and bad beats, you have to find something to laugh about. And if that something is Tom Cruise asking about your gambling habit, well, that's a win in my book.